She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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