You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
