i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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