i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
