I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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