I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
