Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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It's blow job season.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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