Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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