Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
