Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
