I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
