considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
