another moral hangover. fuck.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
