so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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