i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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