he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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