You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Plan B is the new Plan A
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
