very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
