He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
