While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
