so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
