Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
