shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
