We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
