I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
