My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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