she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
