Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
