you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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