Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
