You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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