five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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