If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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