I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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