I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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