We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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