Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
