We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize