How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
