Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
