I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
