i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
