Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
