Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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