I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
