They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
