3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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