i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
