ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if only i could text you this smell
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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