how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
