he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
