I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
