If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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