So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
