What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
