just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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