i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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