make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
