I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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