I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize