margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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