you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
