i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
