he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
