if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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