Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she smelled like a LAN party
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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