Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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