I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
