According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
