she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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