I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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