My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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