Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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