last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
