The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
