I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
