i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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