I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
