Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The uberlube is also flammable
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
