So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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